The Conscious Loving Profile
by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D.
 
1. I know that I am totally responsible for myself and for creating what is occurring in my relationship.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
2. I desperately want my partner's approval.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
3. I support my partner in expressing 100% of his or her creativity.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
4. I find myself withholding from or lying to my partner.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
5. My relationship is an ongoing catalyst for my growth and creativity.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
6. Arguments feel like life or death issues.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
7. I can tell my partner anything.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
8. I feel worried and uncomfortable when my partner goes away, even for short periods.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
9. My partner and I support each other through our deepest feelings. It's fine for my partner to feel the whole range of feelings.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
10. People don't keep their agreements with me.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
11. I feel transparent with my partner and willing to be fully seen.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
12. I agree to do things I don't really want to do, and feel bad about it, but keep silent.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
13. We have inspiring, ongoing fun.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
14. In arguments, I find myself pleading victim or agreeing that it was my fault.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
15. I feel connected with my partner whether we are together or not.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
16. It is very important to find out whose fault it is in an argument, and who is right or wrong.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
17. I enjoy both times apart from my partner and times of close intimacy.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
18. My arguments tend to recycle, and one or the other of us often apologizes and promises to do better.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
19. I communicate my feelings so that others can understand them.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
20. I spend time and energy being controlled or avoiding being controlled by others.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
21. It is possible for both my partner and me to have what we want.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
22. I try to control other people and to make them behave and feel certain ways.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
23. I look for unconscious patterns as they emerge and am willing to resolve them.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
24. A strong internal critic nags me and keeps me feeling bad even in times when I could be feeling good, successful and loving.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
25. I hold myself and my partner in the highest regard.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
26. I criticize or get criticized.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
27. My partner and I behave the same with each other when we are in a group as we do when we're alone together.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
28. I have secrets (things I have done and not done that I am hiding) from a significant loved one.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
29. When we encounter problems, my intention is to take 100% responsibility, tell the microscopic truth, and to clear up the problem.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
30. I worry about other people's feelings.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
31. I experience creativity and productivity in my life.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
32. I think my partner's upsets and strong feelings are my fault.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
33. My partner is my equal.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
34. I have difficulty allowing others to feel their feelings. If someone feels bad, I try to rush in to make it better.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
35. I can easily discern what I'm feeling and what I want, even if it is different from other people.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
36. Anger is a particular problem for me, both to recognize it and to express it to others.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
37. People keep their agreements with me, and my interactions with others flow smoothly.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
38. I do not let myself feel the full range of my feelings. I am out of touch with at least one core emotion such as anger, fear, or sadness.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
 
39. I am the source of my value and approval.
Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Always
Copyright © 2002, The Hendricks Institute
Used by permission of the authors.

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