[an error occurred while processing this directive] What is Conscious Loving?
by Dr. David N. Lowry

"And they lived happily ever after..." Most of us were raised on this fairy tale, Hollywood version of romance and adulthood. We grew up thinking that if we could just meet the right partner, then we'd marry and... well, you know the rest of the story. Life would be perfect. We would be blissfully happy.

But unless you were one of the very lucky few, adult life and relationships proved otherwise. That bluebird of happiness we were promised seemed more elusive than winning the state lottery. Some of us tried over and over again, with different partners, but the same miserable results. Others gave up on relationships entirely and concentrated instead on finding happiness through work or the acquisition of toys. Still others stayed stuck where they were, enduring, surviving, hoping tomorrow would somehow be a better day. The dreams we had as children slowly dissolved into the depressing thought, "Is this as good as it gets? Isn't there something more?"

There is another way!!

Thankfully, there is another option, one that requires commitment and participation from one's whole self (body, mind, heart and soul) rather than finding the perfect partner. This way of approaching relationship (and life) involves consciousness and a loving attitude, so I and many others call it the practice of conscious loving.

What does conscious loving mean?

Consciousness might be viewed as being aware in relationship -- not only keenly aware of what is taking place on the surface, but also paying attention to what is happening underneath, and why. Staying aware of how one is feeling, what one is thinking, what one is doing or saying, how one is acting -- and why. Maintaining awareness of the self, awareness of the other, and awareness of the dynamics or patterns playing out in the relationship itself. Consciousness also includes learning what to do with the awarenesses you have, so you are free to make new choices of response instead of reacting the same old way from automatic pilot.

Loving attitude means intentionally choosing to treat the self and others with kindness, tenderness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, respect and support. It means choosing to do this not only on a good day, not only when you feel like it, not only when the other person is pleasing you in some way, but consistently and regularly choosing to take loving action as part of building strong and healthy relationship.

Conscious loving is not limited to a practice for romantic couples, either. It can and must include the relationship with yourself. (Just how aware are you of what you feel and why? How truly kind are you to yourself?) Its concepts easily translate also to the relationships with friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors, community -- in fact, relationship with the entire world.

Does conscious loving promise "happily ever after"?

Not exactly. It cannot guarantee that you will meet your true soulmate and ride off in the sunset together, or even transform your current partnership into the dream ideal you had always hoped for. But awareness and consciousness of choice can bring a sense of empowerment and freedom back to you. Living from the heart through loving attitude can transform the way that you see and interact with the whole world. Most relationships will improve enormously. And some may change entirely. The practice of conscious loving can be a way of life that nourishes everything it touches (including you!), that brings joy and contentment, that makes life better than you ever thought possible.

Is it easy? An overnight success?

It depends upon how you look at it. In some ways, conscious loving is a lot like learning to play the piano or acquiring an athletic skill. There is the immediate thrill of playing that first simple song or hitting the ball over the net for the first time; likewise, making the first small change in your life and experiencing the satisfying, miraculous results can feel both easy and incredibly successful. Then, more learning and consistent practice are needed to continue bringing new victories. And to be really accomplished requires an investment of time, thought, learning, attention and practice (lots of practice!)

Enjoying the results of becoming conscious, living from love, and creating healthy relationships makes all the learning and practicing worthwhile. (And sometimes the learning and practicing is fun all by itself!)

The first step is up to you.

Are you satisfied with life and relationships the way they are? Do you want to feel more nourished, more fulfilled, more understood, more intimate, more loved? Then entertain the idea that the Hollywood storybook romance visions of love are just that -- fairy tales. That a whole new world awaits with new experiences, new possibilities, new opportunities. Open the door a crack and peer into this new world of conscious loving. Consider making the choice to enter and explore.

Ready to take that first step?

This website is designed to give you ideas, knowledge, tools and skills. We're here to recommend professionals who can help you even further in your practice and journey. We want to supply you with products that will aid you each step of the way. And we're here to provide the support that is so needed in this loving endeavor. As humans, this kind of undertaking is not done alone -- we all need each other to offer encouragement, listening, understanding, and the feeling of community.

I invite you to begin by looking around the website. Read a few of the articles. Share some questions or opinions on the forum. Try out some of the suggestions in your own relationships. Life will never be the same again!

If you'd like to write directly to the author, he can be reached by Email at: davidL@ConsciousLoving.com.

What's Planned for the ConsciousLoving Website

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