Thanks everyone for your responses. i don't know if Bianca has been on tonight to read what you all had to say. i just got home from my 2nd job and she's in the bedroom right now but we haven't seen each other at all this evening.

MyQuest: to answer your question about not being able to open up to her. i would love to do that! i try over and over and over! but i don't know what to talk about. on these forums i have specific topics to talk about and specific questions to answer. but at home i don't have anything specific.

i try to remember things that have happened to me over the course of the day and tell my wife about them but it ends up sounding like a report instead of a commentary. so i ask her what happened in her day and as she talkes i ask questions to draw out more information. by the end of her talking she feels drained instead of energized because instead of adding to her story i just kept pulling and pulling for more.

so i try to add more feeling to my "reports" and not draw so much from her stories and just let her tell it like it is. and that has really helped in our conversations. but there are still times where i just draw a blank, and now i try to just talk about drawing a blank in my mind which usually brings up something interested to talk about.

so recently i've been able to say more and have better conversations with Bianca.

really we were doing quite well up until Thanksgiving. and that mistake really opened all the old floodgates and we're back to square one.

If you have specific topics to talk about on this forum have you ever considered discussing those specific topics with her?

i just started to consider that in the past 24 hours when it was brought to my attention that what i'm saying in this forum are things that i really should be saying to my wife. i never realized that i was saying things on this forum that i should have been saying to my wife.

IMO you shouldn't have any secrets from your spouse. My SO could come on here and read everything I've ever written and I'd be OK with it. It's the only way to have fully open communication. A lot of times it's good to get outside feedback - other's opinions - but if you can't say it to your spouse you should really ask yourself why.

i'm not trying to keep secrets from my wife. i invited her to come and participate on this forum and freely read everything that i have posted.

i didn't realize that i was saying things on this forum that i should have been saying to my wife. i wasn't trying to hide anything from her, at least not consciencly.

Sorry, that's not what I meant. I didn't express myself correctly. Not that you are keeping secrets, but that anything you discuss here you should be discussing at home.

So if you need to come here for outside advice that is understandable but at the end of it all the only way to resolve anything you post about is to actually speak to your wife about the issue.

yes, this is what i intend to do... if i have the opporutnity.

Make the opportunity, Alexander. If she truly loves you, it will mean the world to her.

You haven't had sex for two years and you have been married for only eight months? Did you two think that marriage was going to solve any of your relationship problems? Alexandar, I used to think that you were in need of manhood lessons. Now I am thinking that you two need to learn how to comunicate.

Bianca, you say that you want Alexandar to be truthful and honest. What will that take? Are we talking emotions here? Some guys are not real connected with their emotions. They have feelings but don't know how to express them. They also look at how their feelings are being received. Is there a critical atmosphere floating around? Let him know that you can take everything he can dish out and still love him.

Alexandar, are you afraid of hurting Bianca? She sounds like a tough chick. Give her what you feel with both barrels. If an argument ensues, at least she will feel like she is getting what you feel in your gut. Quit trying to protect her from the real you. Either she can handle it or not. Give her the chance.

Glen: when i said that we haven't had sex in 2 years i was wrong. we did have sex on our wedding night. we haven't had "regular" sex in 2 years.

and yes, it is a "sharing emotions" problem. i'm working on it.